derek_luv4eternity's Xanga

2nd nov 2009 ...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:53:46 GMT

There's a reason why i didn't fall want to fall in love after all this while...
I'm sick and tired of being heart broken ...
Tears had dried up and there is nothing left to shed...
But how come it hurts this time ?

I thought I've been through enough times ....
Knowing that this is just part of falling in love with another girl...
I really don't believe you don't have any feelings for me ....
But there is really nothing i could do when you told me you didn't ~

" i dont want to be in a relationship right now "
... is the last thing i wanted to hear at that moment...
" i treat u as a best friend "
... just broke my heart ...
" i wish we could remain close friends"
... shattered my heart into a million pieces
" guys and girls can never be best friends "
... makes me realize i have been deceiving & lying myself all this while...

I was really happy to know you....
Never had regretted liking you....
Times we spend together doing fun things....
Would remain as memories....

I really meant what I said to you last night...
I told you I wouldn't give up on you and I'll go after you again....
Right now I just need time to deal with the pain in my heart...
But I promise you , I'll always be there whenever you need me ~

- I miss you akys -

2nd nov 2009

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:41:19 GMT

i guess i really am another guy to u....

October 13 its hella late and im studying for freaking midterm !!!!

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 06:38:10 GMT

When deep injury is done to us ,
We never recover until we forgive…
Forgiveness does not change the past,
But it does enlarge the future.”

-Mary Karen Read-

am i just another nice guy ??

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 21:28:10 GMT

a lovely day to ponder ~

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:28:42 GMT

Life is beautiful
it is too short to ponder on unimportant things
we all grow old someday
why not make use of out life as time pass by
we only live once...
live life to the fullest

why am i stuck here trying to ponder on things i should not be ? caring for someone ...havent done so for a while now...dont even know what should i do...but at least i know i do ..i do care and i wanna take care of u ....thats all i know...

At least , i am happy the way i am now...bz with concentration classes at school....bz spending time with asta ....bz with my buddies....life is great if i put in in the positive side...might not be the best but its something ~

The Revival of my thoughts ...

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 04:07:55 GMT

Here I am writing my thoughts again. I realize if I don’t write things down , I forget what happens . No matter how romantic, memorable, sad or depressing that moment is , I couldn’t remember . Therefore I plan to write everything down here again and hopefully no one reads my abandon blog. I DO believe that this abandon site is unknown to the recent friends I have around me…at least for the past 2 years; especially her >.<

The date is October 3^rd 2009 9:41pm ….I’m sitting down here at Starbucks waiting for her to call me back for dinner. She goes online and I ask her if she want get out of her house. She said no. I anticipated that she would say no coz she had a long day at work and I know she has tons of homework to do. How come things do not go as I planned? I always plan something which I thought would be nice for her but every time, she’s either busy or she already has plans. Sigh….I wish I have a chance to tell her how I feel. It’s been inside me for so long. She’s always busy with swim work and school. I’m trying to understand, trying to not be pushy , try to not call her as much but somehow , it feels as if she doesn’t care. Its torture to me because we’re not together and I feel if some hot guy comes along, she’s going ditch me. She DOES work at a swimming school and there are guys hotter guys and co-workers trying to hook her up with hot guys. Sigh…what am I suppose to do? She smart , intelligent , beautiful and hardworking. Compared to me , I’m just an ordinary guy trying to fit into her world. I’m defiantly not the ideal guy that she would imagine spending her time with. I’m no rich HK guy nor a talented celebrity. I’m SERIOUSLY just a 3.0GPA student, trying to find a job and living off my bank account trying to survive. Met her friends Jules yesterday and she was saying about how she was trying to hook Asta up with Shawn. I sat down there thinking of what to say or THINK. Jealous? Probably ….Sad? kinda…..Do something? No coz I am no one to her….in the end, I ended up just being depressed all by myself.

I really wish I could tell her how much I feel for her. Think of her everyday of my life now. I want to know her life better , understand her , care for her and be there for her when she needs me. I want to do that but I can’t …coz I don’t know how. She’s different from the girls I have encountered. Probably that’s why I’m attracted to her. She’s like….so perfect in my eyes right now. Well , probably the only thing that annoys me is her OCD. But I guess the it is the little imperfection that makes her prefect the way she is.

DeStiNy ~

Sun, 20 May 2007 09:54:09 GMT

    It's freaking 4am here and i can't sleep ....and i hav work at freaking 9am later ...SHIT ! well , i guess i'm used to it ...but there is something in my mind that i want to say it out ...and someone plz tell me wat to do >.<

    Does anyone believe in destiny ? i dont know myself if i still do....i used to tell myself to let go of my past and my previous feelings , never to crush , never to love again ~ i was so confused then ....after i came here to the US , i finally got to move on , get my life straight , start from scratch again ~ i found new friends , a new freedom , a new life ~ i was happy ~ i really thought i finally got to move on ~ i still kept her in my mind but i got to move on and be happy ....

    lately , she came back to my thoughts ....NO , it's not that i miss her and stuff like tat ....NO ~ my feelings for her died the day she left me ..... the day it all ended ~ then why am i thinkin about her ? the only reason i could think of is ....because ....somehow , i'm confused again ~ why ? i dunno ....i told myself i wanna enjoy my single life ...do watever i wanted ....i wanted to build my social status first , like how i used to ~ but somehow , i'm fallin in da same hole again ....should i or shouldn't i ? ....and she reiminds me of how i was back then ...naive and stupid ~ ....

    i have a choice to make ....a selfish choice which i dun even know if i wanna choose or not ~ it's so confusin ....should i choose to stick to being single and act as if nothing happen ? or persue my heart....which might end with another shattered heart ? ~ confusing rite ? i dunno ~ someone tell me , but i'm getting da same feelin which i felt and lost a long time ago ~ even so , i promise never to love again ~ never to like a person again ~ should i ? someone plz tell me ~

PS : i'm doing pretty fine here ~ studies are going well ...grades are ...erm ...ok ok ....:P work is ok ....but basically , everything's pretty fine here ~ ^.^

TaGGeD ~

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 03:43:04 GMT

due to the fact i kena tag by my beloved , lovely and pretty gracie jie, i am now reviving this blog juz for this tag :P

WhAt ArE tHe 6 ThInGs UnIqUe AbOuT mE ?

1) i HaVe 5 Ah JiE's (GoD sIsTeRz)...AnD i LoVe AnD CaRe BoUt ThEm A vErY mUcH ~
2) i ReAlLy LoVe DrIvInG ...PpL sAy I'm CrAzY ~
3) i LoVe JaPaNeSe GaLz ...MuSt Be BeCoZ i WaTcH tOo MuCh AnImE/JaPaNeSe DrAmA aNd LiStEn To ToO mUcH JaPaNeSe SoNgZ ~
4) DoN't HuRt My HeArT ...oR eLsE i WiLL dEFiNiTeLy MaKe U sUfFeR
5) i HaTe ViEtNaMeSe PeOpLe ... A lOt ~!!
6) i Am a US cItIzeN ...SiNcE AuGuSt 2oo6 ~ ( WaNnA sEe My PaSsPoRt ? )

10 ThInGz YoU dId NoT kNoW aBoUt Me ~

1) I cAn CoOk ~! eVeRyOnE aLwAyZ dOuBt ThAt I cAn ~
2) I lOsT 12 HaNdPhOnEs DuRiNg FoRm 4 & 5 .... ReAlLy ....My DaD wAs So FuRiOuS tAt TiMe ~
3) I lOvE rEaDiNg My FrIenDz BlOgZ bUt I hAtE wRiTiNg ThEm ....I'm JuZ lAzY ~
4) My PhOnEbOoK CoNsIsTs Of 75% GaLz AnD 20% gUyZ ...tHe OtHeR 5% aRe JuZ rAnDoM nUmBeRz ~
5) I hAd 2 BeSt FrIeNdS bEtRaYeD mE bEcOz Of MoNeY & mY eX ~
6) I hAd AcTuAlLy BeEn At ThE sAmE hEiGhT sInCe FoRm 1 ....StOp GrOwInG iN hEiGhT sInCe ThEn ...BuT cOnTiNuEd To GrOw SiDeWaYz ~ >.<
7) I aM aCtUaLlY vErY wEiGhT cOnScIoUs ....AnD i sTiLL aM ~
8) I hAvE bIg PaLmS ...iT wAs PrOvEn To Be ExCaTLy ThE sAmE sIzE aS sUnNy KoH ....wAs In 2oo4 ...He MiGhT hAd GrOwN tHo ...HaVeN't SeEn HiM fOR aGeS ~
9) I aCtUaLLy HaVe A sIcKnEsS cAlLeD tHaLaSeMiA wHiCh MaKeS mY rEd BlOoD cELLz VeRy uNsTaBiL ~
10) I'm AcTuaLLy ScArEd Of LiZarDz ....ThEiR dEtAcHaBLe TaIL tO Be PeRcISe ...( DuN lAuGh >.< ) ~

hEy yA eVeRy[0]nE ~~

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 08:09:05 GMT

hey hey ....to those who been asking me y i din update , i update at my friendster blog .... so drop by okie ? go check it at http://luv4eternity.blogs.friendster.com/luv4eternity/

My Blog

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 06:45:24 GMT

Know wat people ? i think it's stupid for me to create so many stupid blogs ...i think i juz stick to my FRIENDSTER blog as i know ppl would at least see it rather than here at xanga that no one knows about it ...so i'm juz gonna use my friendster blog ....visit it if u hav the time ^.^

http://luv4eternity.blogs.friendster.com/luv4eternity/