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| Here I am writing my thoughts again. I realize if I don’t write things down , I forget what happens . No matter how romantic, memorable, sad or depressing that moment is , I couldn’t remember . Therefore I plan to write everything down here again and hopefully no one reads my abandon blog. I DO believe that this abandon site is unknown to the recent friends I have around me…at least for the past 2 years; especially her >.< The date is October 3rd 2009 9:41pm ….I’m sitting down here at Starbucks waiting for her to call me back for dinner. She goes online and I ask her if she want get out of her house. She said no. I anticipated that she would say no coz she had a long day at work and I know she has tons of homework to do. How come things do not go as I planned? I always plan something which I thought would be nice for her but every time, she’s either busy or she already has plans. Sigh….I wish I have a chance to tell her how I feel. It’s been inside me for so long. She’s always busy with swim work and school. I’m trying to understand, trying to not be pushy , try to not call her as much but somehow , it feels as if she doesn’t care. Its torture to me because we’re not together and I feel if some hot guy comes along, she’s going ditch me. She DOES work at a swimming school and there are guys hotter guys and co-workers trying to hook her up with hot guys. Sigh…what am I suppose to do? She smart , intelligent , beautiful and hardworking. Compared to me , I’m just an ordinary guy trying to fit into her world. I’m defiantly not the ideal guy that she would imagine spending her time with. I’m no rich HK guy nor a talented celebrity. I’m SERIOUSLY just a 3.0GPA student, trying to find a job and living off my bank account trying to survive. Met her friends Jules yesterday and she was saying about how she was trying to hook Asta up with Shawn. I sat down there thinking of what to say or THINK. Jealous? Probably ….Sad? kinda…..Do something? No coz I am no one to her….in the end, I ended up just being depressed all by myself.
I really wish I could tell her how much I feel for her. Think of her everyday of my life now. I want to know her life better , understand her , care for her and be there for her when she needs me. I want to do that but I can’t …coz I don’t know how. She’s different from the girls I have encountered. Probably that’s why I’m attracted to her. She’s like….so perfect in my eyes right now. Well , probably the only thing that annoys me is her OCD. But I guess the it is the little imperfection that makes her prefect the way she is. | | |
| It's freaking 4am here and i can't sleep ....and i hav work at freaking 9am later ...SHIT ! well , i guess i'm used to it ...but there is something in my mind that i want to say it out ...and someone plz tell me wat to do >.<
Does anyone believe in
destiny ? i dont know myself if i still do....i used to tell myself to
let go of my past and my previous feelings , never to crush , never to
love again ~ i was so confused then ....after i came here to the US , i
finally got to move on , get my life straight , start from scratch
again ~ i found new friends , a new freedom , a new life ~ i was happy
~ i really thought i finally got to move on ~ i still kept her in my
mind but i got to move on and be happy ....
lately , she came back to
my thoughts ....NO , it's not that i miss her and stuff like tat ....NO
~ my feelings for her died the day she left me ..... the day it all
ended ~ then why am i thinkin about her ? the only reason i could think
of is ....because ....somehow , i'm confused again ~ why ? i dunno
....i told myself i wanna enjoy my single life ...do watever i wanted
....i wanted to build my social status first , like how i used to ~ but
somehow , i'm fallin in da same hole again ....should i or shouldn't i
? ....and she reiminds me of how i was back then ...naive and stupid ~
....
i have a choice to make
....a selfish choice which i dun even know if i wanna choose or not ~
it's so confusin ....should i choose to stick to being single and act
as if nothing happen ? or persue my heart....which might end with
another shattered heart ? ~ confusing rite ? i dunno ~ someone tell me
, but i'm getting da same feelin which i felt and lost a long time ago
~ even so , i promise never to love again ~ never to like a person
again ~ should i ? someone plz tell me ~
PS : i'm doing pretty fine
here ~ studies are going well ...grades are ...erm ...ok ok ....:P work
is ok ....but basically , everything's pretty fine here ~ ^.^
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| hey hey ....to those who been asking me y i din update , i update at my friendster blog .... so drop by okie ? go check it at http://luv4eternity.blogs.friendster.com/luv4eternity/
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| Know wat people ? i think it's stupid for me to create so many stupid blogs ...i think i juz stick to my FRIENDSTER blog as i know ppl would at least see it rather than here at xanga that no one knows about it ...so i'm juz gonna use my friendster blog ....visit it if u hav the time ^.^
http://luv4eternity.blogs.friendster.com/luv4eternity/
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